It may be the biggest BLACK FRIDAY in the history of the world. Iowa takes on Nebraska to play back-to-back Big Ten Championship Games, the United States takes on England in soccer, and Hot Tub Hub has HUGE sales of brand new hot tubs and spas. WHAT A DAY!
Our bets were terrible again last week, but who cares. Doesn’t matter. Last week is over. It’s time to forget and be THANKFUL for all the great things we have in this world, things that some people and teams don’t have. For example, we are grateful for:
Having a consistent head football coach even as he continues to employ his unqualified son.
Having the best player in the world on our team (Fuck the Ray Guy award).
We have the best linebacker in the country on our team.
Not having to spend an entire season speculating on who our next head coach will be, only to have all the top options sign renewals with the teams they’re currently on.
You see, even if our choices are poor, we have a lot to be thankful for! So with the final weekend of the regular season here, without a doubt we have 100% our best week yet. And if not, we may not all see each other until 2023.
BLACK FRIDAY GAMES OF THE CENTURY WEEK
Nebraska +10.5 @ Iowa (3:00 p.m. CST, BTN)
Well, we’re almost there. Our beloved Hawkeyes are ONE win away from returning to the Big Ten Championship Game and I can already hear the talking heads on TV screaming that they don’t deserve it. Well guess what, loser?
Laugh and cry all you want, America. The Iowa Hawkeyes are probably going to the Big Ten Championship again, and you’re going to be sitting on your couch watching EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT because you’re an American, and that’s what we’re doing.
Now, before we put the cart before the horse, let’s talk about the game that remains to be played. First of all, everything about the gambling aspect of this game is weird. Iowa as 10.5 favorite? Seems a stretch as 95% of our passing game goes through Sam LaPorta and he won’t play. Will the offensive line be able to strengthen and open up some holes against a Nebraska team that has allowed opposing running backs to dominate them all season? Don’t count on it.
And the total for this game… 42.5? What? They look at two of the worst crimes in the Big Ten. This was so confusing that our Spread Awareness team actually did some RESEARCH despite our promise never to do it. Iowa and Nebraska have scored OVER 42.5 points in every duel since 2012. I don’t know what Black Friday is all about, but apparently it brings out the firepower of these two teams.
Here’s the thing: Nebraska stinks. Just a rough football team that should really consider going back to the Big 12. Their offense can’t score and their defense refuses to stop when needed. This is the last game for Nebraska before their pathetic, horrible, miserable season ends. After the game, their AD will likely announce their new coaching staff, which if rumors are true will include Urban Meyer as head coach, Lane Kiffin as offensive coordinator, Luke Fickell as defensive coordinator, Nick Saban as head recruiter. and Matt Rhule as governor of Nebraska. Until then, however, they’re the same old team as always.
Iowa will win this and we’re going to Indianapolis. While saying that, we also have to say that we’re covering Nebraska, not because we think they will, but because we’ve bet four straight games against Iowa and they just keep winning. We won’t risk breaking this streak even if it means losing our bet. Speaking of streaks, this game’s OVER 42.5 point streak ends this weekend. Might be the easiest under of the season, which is saying something.
CHOICE: Nebraska +10.5, UNDER 42.5
UNITED STATES +475 VS ENGLAND (13:00 CST, FS1)
Many people questioned the United States soccer team after they opened the World Cup with a tie against Wales, a country with a smaller population than the state of Iowa. I’ll be honest I haven’t seen a football game since the last World Cup but even I could tell we didn’t look good. Passing the ball backwards a lot and not kicking towards the net, which is what we should be doing more. This is apparently the GOLDEN GENERATION of US football so they should be able to beat an England team that stinks right? I mean, they’re good at football, but England literally stinks… They had a period in their history called ‘The Great Stink’. Awkward.
While I fear England are on the verge of an epic World Cup run when it comes to their late Queen, we are the United States of America. We can’t lose to England the day after our whole country has eaten 30 pounds of food and watched football all day. We just can’t.
PICK: THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
FINAL SATURDAY GAME OF THE CENTURY REGULAR SEASON
No. 3 Michigan +7.5 @ No. 2 Ohio State (11:00 a.m. CST, FOX)
These two teams obviously don’t like each other but now that they’re both really good again the hate is up 1000% and it’s great.
Lots of injury questions with this one, how will Blake Corum play or will Ohio State have TreyVeyon Henderson or Miyan Williams available? Both coaches remain silent, but we assume that all three will play.
This is a HUGE line for a game of this magnitude. Is Vegas saying Michigan is a bunch of cheaters? This line is so strange that Michigan currently accounts for 95% of the money wagered on it. That’s a very, very high percentage. That may change before the game starts as this is written on Wednesday morning (IT’S THANKSGIVING WEEK, SORRY WE CAN’T GIVE YOU THE LATEST FACTS!), but we’re hiding the rest of the bets here.
Ohio State takes revenge on last season and wins by TWO DIGITS.
PICK: Ohio State -7.5
Rutgers +14 @ Maryland (11:00 am CST, BTN)
While OSU vs Michigan may be the most watched football game in decades, this one may be the least watched. This game is so awful we don’t want to make a choice but it’s the last Saturday of the regular season, I can’t hold anything back now.
CHOICE: OVER 49
Purdue -10.5 @ Indiana (2:30 p.m. CST, BTN)
A must-win game for Purdue to keep any Big Ten title game hopes alive, but guess what? IT WILL NOT MATTER! By the time this game is played, our Hawkeyes will have defeated Nebraska, eaten leftover turkey, slept well, and started planning for the Big Ten Championship. Great disappointment comes for Purdue.
CHOICE: INDIANA +10.5
Illinois -14.5 @ Northwest (2:30 p.m. CST, BTN)
When teams are as bad as Northwestern, they should be allowed to finish halfway through their season and all players should be able to transfer and play anywhere in the country immediately. This team is a mess. Illinois is rebounding from three straight losses and covers here.
PICK: Illinois -14.5, UNDER 38.5
Minnesota +3 @ Wisconsin (2:30 p.m. CST, ESPN)
No matter how boring this game seems, remember that you are playing for a gigantic axe. Trophy games like this are why the Big Ten is the best conference in the country, even if the football sucks.
It looks like Jim Leonhard will be removing the interim tag from his job title post-season, which we’re oddly fine with. He may turn out to be a great coach and bring Wisconsin to winning the division every year, but nothing Wisconsin has done this year scares anyone.
Speaking of not scaring anyone, PJ Fleck and Minnesota rushed for 263 yards against Iowa and they still lost. OOOOOOOOF.
Wisconsin have won 16 of their last 18 games in this streak, but let’s face it, they should have lost to Nebraska last weekend, and Minnesota are way better than the Huskers.
CHOICE: Minnesota +3, OVER 36
Michigan State +18 @ #11 Penn State (3:00 p.m. CST, FS1)
state of michigan what are you doing??? Blowing a 17-point halftime lead is bad, but blowing a 17-point halftime lead on Indiana is a fireable offense. What the hell Mel Tucker??? WE ARE YOUR BACK ALL SEASON!
Inexcusable. Penn State continues to beat teams that aren’t called Ohio State or Michigan, and they’ll do it again here.
PICK: Penn State -18, OVER 52.5
TOP 25 GAMES OF THE WEEK OF THE CENTURY
#19 Tulane +1 @ #24 Cincinnati: Winner takes the AAC regular season title AND they may have to reverse and play each other again in a week. I love college football. Cincy QB being questionable means we’re riding the wave.
#21 Oregon State +3 against #9 Oregon: Bo Nix couldn’t move at all against Utah last week. Oregon State should be able to take advantage of that.
No. 6 USC vs. No. 15 Notre Dame OVER 64.5: Two crimes that have shed light on it lately. Both teams have over 35 points in their last five games. Notre Dame’s defense has been good, but stopping USC is no easy feat.
#12 State of Kansas -12 against Kansas: When was KSU ranked so highly? Is Adrian Martinez still her QB? Kansas became Kansas again, it was fun while it lasted.
BONUS NICE JERSEY GAME OF THE YEAR
USF +20 against #22 UCF
The Beautiful Jersey Game of the Year was another HUGE success last week as UTSA reported smoothly. For two weeks this was the easiest bet of the year and we’re kicking ourselves for not finding it sooner. Anyway, the jersey bet is really going to be put to the test this week as we support the University of South Florida who have cool jerseys but also a 1-10 record. Not great but remember this bet is based solely on the shirts and nothing else.
— USF Football (@USFootball) November 23, 2022
- In total: 84-90-1
- Against the spread: 64-70-1
- About Below: 20-20